forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
