I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
