we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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