The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
