I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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