Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
