I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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