I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
