remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
