Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
soo... how was my night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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