You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
