After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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