so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
