Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There r osticjed everywhere
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
