Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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