On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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