It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
