Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
