he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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