a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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