at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
