I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize