so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
