"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
