wanna go halves on a baby?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
