Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
