My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
