Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
