The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
