it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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