we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
