i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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