dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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