he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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