new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
