Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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