Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
