I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Terrible idea I love it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
