fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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