we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
