he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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