we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
