okay pat passed out under dana's car
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
