Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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