i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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