theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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