hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
