He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
