I got chris browned last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
