I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
