The maid of honor just puked.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
