Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
They took my balls.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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