I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
