Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
