remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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