My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
