The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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