so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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