A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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