I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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