I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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