so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
