i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
